Difficult Conversations

I started to read a book called "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" and am experiencing "a-ha" moments every two paragraphs! It's seriously amazing. I recommend this book strongly to everyone. It's opening up my eyes to how my limited knowledge set and associated interpretations, assumptions, and meanings influence difficult conversations and my methods for handling said conversations.

I'm currently applying the technique of documenting my implicit rules/shoulds. This will help me understand my own story, and be a stepping stone towards asking others for their "shoulds" so I can see the differences in the rule sets AND embrace both stories.

My "shoulds":
* You should always see the good in people.
* You should always show appreciation to others no matter what.
* You should always offer to help.
* You should always point out the good / what worked.
* You should limit criticism to 1 - 3 points.
* You should always pay your bills.
* You should invest in purchasing assets that appreciate (gold, "real estate", etc.)
* You should spend little money on luxury goods.
* <probably more things>

Just this exercise is shedding light on how I perceive certain actions as "wrong" and "disrespectful." The authors also mention that difficult conversations are less about the factual aspects about being right and more about the emotions around it...there's a great example about a parent telling their teenager "don't smoke" - the conversation is less about the parent's being right and more about how the parent and the teenager feel about the issue, what the teenager should do, and the parent's role in the process. The parent is scared and sad at imagining potential consequences and feels powerless; the daughter needs to feel independent, break out of a good girl mold and has ambivalence about doing something that makes her feel good and frightens her.

Yay I've already learned so much, and there's so much more to read and learn!