Enjoying breath :)

Official diagnosis today is PSC. Things have come full circle! I'm in the early stages, like Stage 0/1. The rate of progression is hard to predict, but its usually 10 - 15 years before a transplant is needed. PSC patients have an excellent prognosis for transplant. 

I def have moments of angry/frustrated/scared with thoughts like - Seriously this on top of everything else? Isn't it hard enough to date as a female nerd now I need to explain this? Will I make it to AARP age?

The part that's been the toughest mentally (besides "Do I have enough time to become supreme dictator of the world?") is I can't feel this disease in my body so I can't tell if my actions have any impact. The doctors told me to watch out for jaundice, increased pruitis, fever, chills and to expect an increased amount of tiredness. They also told me to be very cautious with drinking, but I don't drink much anyway and have decided to give it up completely since it feels illogical to drink with a degenerative liver disease (and seriously - apologies in advance to friends who enjoy their drink - most alcohol doesn't even taste that good to me lol.)

Lately some weird things have happened though - for example, I seem to get paper cuts more easily (probably cause of dry skin). After assisting and teaching on Saturday, both of my legs had bright red patches by the knees which disappeared by Monday (probably contact dermatitis). These events seem unrelated but I can't help but think - hmm hope liver is ok - every time something weird happens.

At the same time, I feel like I have been handed a gift - heightened awareness and gratitude for each breath. I enjoy each breath fully. I take pleasure in thinking, sensing, feeling and moving around. I feel a heightened sense of urgency to pursue dreams and goals. I am making a list of things I want to do - and intend to DO THEM NOW:) I am also actively making choices. I am not letting my life, however long it may be, pass me by.