Feedback is as much about the giver as it is about the receiver

I've heard the phrase "feedback is as much about the giver as it is about the receiver" but the gravity of the statement didn't land with me till earlier today. I asked a couple of friends and family members to help me answer the following question:

Should I broadcast this blog across different social media? [Note: Not sure if the content is interesting enough to peak anyone's attention but that's a separate issue :)]

I received a variety of answers, mostly concentrated in part of the privacy spectrum. I am not implying that answers were absolutely correct or absolutely wrong - just that responses seem to be mostly consistent. It was an interesting thought experiment to ask people to describe their thought process (using the 5 whys technique) and listen to how they came to conclusions. Each person seemed to ask different questions based their feelings, opinions and fears of vulnerability - i.e., most of the polled folks would probably admit that they veer towards the less open side. The feedback givers' interpretation of my intent with the blog also weighed in at some level. [Note: These are my closest friends and I subconsciously probably choose to listen to them because they hold similar values and biases :)] It'd be interesting to ask someone from the opposite end of the spectrum - someone who shares a lot of personal information openly - and hear their take on it. I suspect I'd get a different response.

I'm conflicted on this topic myself - see pros and cons either way so am reserving making a decision till a direction "feels more right," but this raises a broader question about feedback and perception - how much can we trust the validity of our judgement/opinions/impressions if our thoughts are all skewed at some level based on where we come from?

I had a very strange 360 review a few months ago, strange mostly because there were drastically different opinions about my performance, capabilities, strengths/weaknesses, and "readiness" for additional leadership responsibilities. Apparently, multiple people came out of the woodwork to weigh in. I guess I must be doing different, maybe even right, if so many people have opinions?

A coworker told me this morning, just to share an observation nothing more, that I seemed deeply conflicted on where to take my career and he perceived I view my job more as a paycheck and have a passion for yoga. He believes my conflict rests with balancing passions/interests with desired lifestyle. People may perceive this conflict as immature. [his impression != truth which is partially my fault since I haven't universally shared every passion...pick and chose the one I thought would resonate more; more on that later] His impression was valuable to hear for the following reason:

His impression is as much about him as it is about me, if not more.

The neat trick with feedback is that it gives us opportunities to understand others. I can reverse engineer how people see the world based on their opinions on any topic, including my performance. This understanding makes it easier to handle what comes and figure out what to do with it. It can also help modify how to present information in a way that lands better in 1:1 interactions. The coworker mentioned earlier chose a particular career path to support a certain lifestyle because he had to, and he seems to view issues in terms of financials -ie., the type to vote based on his pocketbook. He's a great guy - I don't mean to imply anything other than that - but its interesting to receive feedback from him cause I can see him better in the process, and also understand how he sees me through his lens. This gives me the choice to figure out which pieces of information to share, and how to present it given his interests.

I have my own filters. I like to find the good in people, so my initial impression of most people is positive until I've seen repeated events that seem to indicate 'sheisty-ness' at which point I label that person as "bad" which isn't fair either, especially since I have the prejudice of assuming actions are deliberate. I guess the important thing is I am aware of the limitations of this viewpoint and am willing to hear other opinions and accept that they are equally valid. I ask questions about other viewpoints, not because I doubt, but more as an attempt to understand.

The challenge is handling the mentality of "I am right prove me wrong" in an opinion/not fact based space. I've heard folks try to repeat one or two sentences a person said as facts, but basic neuroscience could prove that such statements are not fact since we all put our spin on things. I have been guilty of this mindset as much as anyone else. Its a tough pill to accept that no matter how much I try to be objective through reading many articles, books, and documents with differing takes on the same topic, I am also subjective at some level. I like to believe I am less subjective hehe :) It seems like an effective way to get through in such situations could be to attempt to apply the same filter as the recipient and try to explain pros/cons through that process. So if someone says "Person X said Y" to prove a point, respond back "well my notes show Person X said Z." There is something to be said for meeting people where they are :)

The "truth" is I absolutely love being a manager. Lately, my team has been leaping forward, coming up with new investment requests, expanding academic knowledge in different fields, and settling into new team roles. I feel like a proud mama bear every time one of them runs forward with an idea and like an emotional dork I sometimes shed happiness tears (no sarcasm; I actually do like a silly bleeding heart). Its great to see people grow and follow their interests. My team inspires me to be a better human and a better leader every day. I am lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people, and the best part is I don't have to do much other than share a tool or technique here and there. Sometimes, I have to make tough decisions and communicate news that may negatively impact people. It sucks, but is the reality of the world and is out of my hands. In said events, I try my best to do right by them, and swallow the pill (not choke!) that sometimes even good intentions can lead to negative outcomes...YAT easier said than done.

I care deeply about technology and associated social/policy implications (e.g. information should be free and open) to the point where it drives me mad when both are at odds. I like creating new products and services and helping my clients improve their daily lives. I also enjoy yoga tremendously, since it has been a blessing and gift that has offered me peace and belief in possibilities. Fundamentally, I like to channel everything I know/am as a being into helping others and making the world a better place.

I sometimes don't talk about the people and things I love and value for a variety of reasons:

1 ) I don't think the person I'm speaking with would be interested in that topic
2) Talking about things/people makes me consider that such things/people may go away which is scary...haha as if its safer to keep stuff secret! I know this is an illogical and silly way to look at things, but I guess half the battle is awareness that I am being illogical and silly and am willing to to admit stupidity. Awareness++!